It hurts...and it always will.
Sometimes we do stupid things without thinking.
Guess we're all guilty of that. But when the same "thoughtless" things become routine...it is no longer us not thinking, it is us using an opportunity to keep things the same. The keep things as we want them, because we are happy that way.
Sometimes we don't think that our actions will hurt as bad as they do. Even if we're sorry, they were still done. Some damages can't be fixed.
Sometimes forgiveness is given from the begining. Sometimes you don't have to ask for it, because it is already there. Forgiveness comes from the heart, from the soul. Doesn't mean that with the forgiveness you can be free to continue on as you have.
Sometimes it is change that brings us our biggest peace. Holding onto something can sometimes pull us into the dark depths so far that we can't see or breathe. Sometimes it is too late for us to reach the sruface again once we have to let go. Sometimes we never do and it consumes us so fully that unless we grip tighter we don't feel as if we can live.
I don't want that for anyone. Letting go before it got quite that bad was what I had to do. I have people in my life that do need me, need me more then I even know. I just dont think you are one of them. There are so many people that need you more then I, so many people that will appreciate you love, your beauty and who you are. I am willing to feel the pain no matter how bad it hurts, to let go finally. They deserve to have that person they need too. They deserve your freedom without any chains that I may have wrapped around your ankles.
Through it all, even as I told you never to speak to me again, there was a part of me that couldn't help but smile. You are happy and that is a miracle that I would never wish to take away. I just know that with me around you would and could never let yourself fall completely into that void of happines.
I know you're angry. I'm sure you're hurt.
Forgiveness comes from the heart...from the soul. You were forgiven long before either of us knew.
and in the end...
It was all my fault too.
I'm sorry. I hope your forgiveness will be pure too. |
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